I won’t be coming on here anymore.. I don’t know how to feel anymore. I lost such a huge part of me and nothing makes sense.

RIP, babe.

I will always love you.

10/14/1990-10/14/2012

bewbin:

What the fuck is wrong with me….?

I have the most loving, patient, and understanding boyfriend and I’m so mean to him sometimes- and I wish I wasn’t. I don’t know how someone like him could ever love me the way he does, or be there for me the way he is. I push him away, and he pulls me closer. And I don’t push him away because I hate him, I push him away because I wish the whole world would just go away sometimes, and just leave me alone.

I just want the ground to swallow me whole sometimes. 

I feel like my depression takes the course of a circle- going away, tricking me into thinking I’m finally normal, then coming back, breaking me down to pieces. I wish I could erase from my mind and body what happened to me 4 years ago, and I wish that the piece of shit that caused all of this, would just vanish like he never even existed. 

I wish I would have had the balls to put him in jail like he deserved to be. I don’t know if I will ever have the balls to be okay with what happened. It’s been almost 5 years, and I still have nightmares. I still feel so much guilt that it literally hurts my chest. 

iamthefirstballerina:

A bruise is a disruption in the blood flow. It pools under the surface and refuses to leave for who knows how long. Bruises are not only painful when touched, but are visible and distracting to a third party. Disruptive, lingering, painful and salient. Hearts don’t break they bruise. Mya is seasonally affective and today is overcast and icy

And dropped 3 pant sizes. At the moment, I am wearing a pair of Jeans that I haven’t been able to wear since I was 14. It’s been 7 years since I’ve been this size. I can’t even believe I’ve gotten so far.